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6871 |
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Date: October 07, 2021 at 03:55:31
From: snodrop, [DNS_Address]
Subject: Laws of bad timing... |
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1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become
coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and
you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when
dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being
watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of
your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number,
you never get a busy signal and someone always
answers.
5. Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the
smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6. Variation Law-If you change lines (or traffic
lanes), the one you were in will always move faster
than the one you are in now.
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed
in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of
meeting someone you know increases dramatically when
you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to
someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena - At any event,
the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle,
always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave
their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the
toilet and who leave early before the end of the
performance or the game is over. The folks in the
aisle seats come early, never move once, have long
gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end
of the performance. The aisle people also are very
surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup
of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something
which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2
people in a locker room, they will have adjacent
lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-
faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are
directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
carpet or rug.
15.Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if
you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the
clothes fit, they're ugly.
17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth
gathers no feet.
18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As
soon as you find a product that you really like, they
will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an
appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get
there you'll feel better... But don't make an
appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been
proven over and over with taking children to the
paediatrician.
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Responses:
[6875] [6878] [6879] [6873] [6880] [6874] [6872] [6876] |
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6875 |
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Date: October 07, 2021 at 14:41:55
From: shadow, [DNS_Address]
Subject: Re: Laws of bad timing... |
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Girl, you post the best funnies... ;D
Yeah...#15 & #17, dogging me w/out mercy...lol...as has #6
on a lifelong basis... ;D
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Responses:
[6878] [6879] |
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6878 |
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Date: October 08, 2021 at 10:54:54
From: snodrop, [DNS_Address]
Subject: Just a few more giggles.... |
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LOL shadow! I'm throwing in a few more just to make
you smile:)
Ever need to figure out the anatomy of an ant, drop it
in water, if it sinks, it’s a girl-ant and if it
floats it’s a…
"I sent my wife to the West Indies."
"Jamaica?"
"No, she went of her own free will."
It is a shame that nothing is built in America
anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in
Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.
If you can’t think of a word, say “I forgot the
English word for it” That way people will think
you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you” I
whispered back, “Bring pizza.”
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Responses:
[6879] |
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6879 |
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Date: October 08, 2021 at 11:53:52
From: shadow, [DNS_Address]
Subject: Re: Just a few more giggles.... |
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"It’s weird being the same age as old people."
This or some other permutation of similar words comes out
of my mouth every few hours. Minutes. Seconds, some days.
Or...wait, no...are those really NEW thoughts, or am I
looping? ;-O
Thanks hon! ;D
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Responses:
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6873 |
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Date: October 07, 2021 at 14:18:09
From: Daisy Lionheart, [DNS_Address]
Subject: And Another... |
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Just after a meticulous application of eye
makeup, including several coats of "True Black"
mascara, you read a list of "Laws", each one
funnier than the last, and tears come streaming
down your cheeks, leaving streaks of black which
also drip on your new tee, then realize you
needed to pick up some quick spot remover at the
store, which just imposed a mask mandate, but
you have run out of masks and the only store
which still has a supply is the one you can't
enter! LOL
I could go on, as you might imagine, but I'll
leave it there. Reading that list made my jaw
hurt from laughing...TOO FUNNY!
The funniest comedians are always the ones that
point out common experiences. David Brenner? was
one of my favorites.
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Responses:
[6880] [6874] |
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6880 |
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Date: October 09, 2021 at 14:51:33
From: snodrop, [DNS_Address]
Subject: Re: And Another... |
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LOLOL...your description is too funny! Hope you got
the stains out!
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Responses:
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6874 |
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Date: October 07, 2021 at 14:37:44
From: shadow, [DNS_Address]
Subject: lol Daisy... ;) n/t |
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Responses:
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6872 |
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Date: October 07, 2021 at 10:59:13
From: ryan, [DNS_Address]
Subject: Re: Laws of bad timing... |
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lol...and the law of dressing up...
you take a shower and you get all dressed up for the big event... everything perfect...and then of course you have to take a dump...
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Responses:
[6876] |
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6876 |
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Date: October 07, 2021 at 14:50:42
From: shadow, [DNS_Address]
Subject: Re: Laws of bad timing... |
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Ah, that takes me back to a shining moment when my son
was about a year and a half... ;) January in Chicago,
freezing w/an ice-/snowstorm; I'm taking him to a
gathering at my then-in-law's to meet some who haven't
met him yet... (Weather stops pretty much nothing there.)
Change his diaper, get him all into his best, get him all
tucked into his snowsuit...gloves, hat, little boots...
Get him into the carseat, turn the heat on...scrape about
an inch of ice off the car so we can leave... I open the
door to get back in...and he proceeds to projectile-hurl
& have massive diarrhea, at the same time, with
everything going *everywhere*...down into his snowsuit,
out the pant legs into his boots, all over the seat,
door, dashboard... Stomach bug. Got it myself a couple
days later.
Those were the days...lol...
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Responses:
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